last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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