Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
