my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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