It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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