that's an acceptable place to lick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
they're like a gay fantastic four
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
