I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
