if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize