I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
