I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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