His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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