i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
