Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
