Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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