his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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