Apparently you make a good broom.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
