It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
why is half of my head shaved?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
