Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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