I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
