Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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