I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
