So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
