Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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