He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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