Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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