And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
