I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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