I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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