Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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