2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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