She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he thought i was a dude.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
