Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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