Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
not ubering you a puppy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
