I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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