I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
