U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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