You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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