both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
