hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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