Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
