party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
