Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
