So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
