Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize