I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
