She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
