The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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