she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
