she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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