you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
