The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
