I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
