i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
