Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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