Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
