The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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