well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
