Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
