But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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