You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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