Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
