Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
