I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
