Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
