I am midnight drunk by noon
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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