dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
