He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize