The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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