Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize