Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have already put on my inside pants.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
