Jerry, you need to find god
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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