wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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