okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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