why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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