just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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