my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
