So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
