I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
no you cant smoke seaweed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
