The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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