Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
